


The Happiness You Gave Me

by Stories_can_make_us_fly



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Ben being a supportive boyfriend, But also, Callum and Lexi spending the day together, Family Bonding, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Lexi is the smartest, Love, M/M, Movie Watching, Movie: Shrek (2001), Self-Harm, leave out part three if you're just here for the fluff and fun parts, nothing graphic, talk about self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:49:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26448088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stories_can_make_us_fly/pseuds/Stories_can_make_us_fly
Summary: When Callum volunteered to take care of Lexi for the day, he thought they would just play some games, watch telly, nothing exciting.What he certainly didn't expect was that it would turn out to be one of the best days of his life. Or that he would get some new insights into his relationship with Ben and grow closer together with the two most important people in his life.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway & Lexi Pearce, Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 16
Kudos: 75





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> I had the idea for this story back in January, I think, when I was thinking about what a complex character Ben is. I then remembered a line from the first Shrek movie, where Shrek says, “Ogres have layers.”  
> And what can I say? What was supposed to be a short one shot about Ben and Callum watching the first Shrek movie somehow turned into a 10,000+ words monstrosity.
> 
> I have been working on and off on this for over half a year now and I initially wanted to post it before Eastenders came back on air, which obviously didn’t work out. But it’s finished now. Hooray! I really like how the story turned out, although I'm not 100% sold on the title, but it's the best I could come up with. Anyway, I’m really excited to see what you all think.
> 
> It’s mostly canon complaint (at least for now) except that Ben and Callum are not officially living together. I imagine them at Phil’s in the beginning of this story, but if you rather want to see it set at Ian’s that’s fine, too. Doesn’t make much of a difference.
> 
> And if you just want to read the funny and fluffy parts, just leave out part three. That’s totally fine. :)
> 
> I always try to write Ben and Callum the way the talk in the show, but let’s be honest here, English is not my first language and I sometimes have trouble understanding their accent while watching, so I’m definitely not gonna be able to copy it in my writing.  
> Also, I’m really inconsistent at replying to comments – sometimes I reply to all of them, sometimes to none at all. But I appreciate every comment and they make me very happy to read! :)
> 
> That’s enough from me. I hope you enjoy the story and let me know what you think! :) :)

**Part One**

  
  


Callum was woken up by a loud bang and Ben's angry voice.

"What do you expect me to do, Lo? I got work, too!"

Yawning, he blinked the sleep from his eyes and watched as his boyfriend opened several drawers before slamming them shut again, all while yelling into his phone.

"Yeah? Well, ain't my fault either." He paused to listen for a second, then hissed, "Yes, I know! ... I'll sort it, okay? ... I said I'll sort it!"

With that he hung up and for a second Callum feared that Ben would throw his phone against the wall. But instead he tossed it on the night stand and sat down heavily on the bed.

"Everythin' alright?" Callum asked tentatively.

Ben turned around to him, stress written all over his face.

"Sorry. Did I wake ya?"

For a moment, Callum wanted to joke about Ben making a racket to wake the dead, but he knew Ben wasn't in the mood so he settled on, "Nah, been awake awhile."

Ben only nodded and rubbed at his face.

Leaning over, Callum ran a comforting hand up his arm.

"What's going on?"

"Pipe broke in Lexi's school and they're closed for the day."

Failing to see the problem, Callum waited for Ben to continue. When he didn't, he asked with a frown, "So? She has a day off. Doubt she's going to complain."

Ben rolled his eyes at him.

"'Course she ain't. But I’ve got work all day and Lola, too. And Mum can't watch her and Jay is out of town and Billy's busy, too."

"Oh." Callum still couldn't see why Ben was so worked up about this. "Well, I got nothing on today. I can watch her."

It was the obvious solution, right?

Ben perked up at that.

"Would you? I didn't wanna ask, because you've been working so much lately and this is your first free day and ..."

Callum sat up and put his hand on Ben's lips.

"Don't be daft. I'm happy to. It's no problem, really."

He could feel Ben smile under his fingers and when Callum took his hand away, Ben pulled him into a kiss.

"Thanks, babe."

"Anytime. Now off you go. Someone has to provide in this family and it ain't me."

A devilish grin stretched across Ben's face. In one swift move he pushed Callum back onto the mattress and pinned his arms to the bed. Callum's heart skipped a beat when Ben's hot breath ghosted over his skin.

"Oh? Planning to live off me, are we?"

"Maybe. I would make a good house husband, don't you think?" Callum replied and bit his bottom lip, knowing it drove Ben crazy. And so it did. Ben's eyes flashed dark. He leaned down and kissed Callum, hard. Letting go of Callum's arms, he tangled his hand into his already messy hair. Callum groaned and wrapped his now free arms around his boyfriend, fingers digging into Ben's back. He was just about to pull up Ben's shirt to get to the skin underneath when they were suddenly interrupted by the door banging against the wall and Lexi's loud whining.

"Daddy, I'm bored!"

Ben pushed himself off of Callum so fast as if he had been electrocuted. He did a weird twist mid-air, tried to find his balance, but lost to gravity in the end and toppled to the ground with a thud. There was a moment of utter silence. Callum bit the insides of his cheeks to stop himself from laughing. He glanced at Lexi. She had her hands pressed over her mouth, eyes wide. A giggle escaped her, then another. Callum couldn't hold his own laughter back any longer and soon they were both laughing out loud.

Ben groaned from the floor.

"Yeah, laugh it up, you two," he mumbled into the carpet.

"I'm sorry, babe. You okay?" Callum chuckled and leaned over the side of the bed as he wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Aside from my dignity I'm perfectly fine, thank you very much."

Lexi, who had crawled onto the bed, peered down at her father.

"You have to work on your landing, Daddy."

Callum grinned.

"Yeah, it will cost you points otherwise. That and the squeal you made."

Ben's head shot up, face bright red.

"I did not!"

"Oh? Must've imagined it then. But I could've sworn I heard a high-pitched squealing. What about you, Lex?"

Lexi giggled into her hands.

"I heard it, too, Daddy."

Ben glared at them both before he pushed himself up. Callum would have been worried that Ben was really mad, if he weren't able to see the smile threatening to break out across his face.

"Ganging up on me, huh? See how I'm doing anything nice for either of you again."

Callum bit back a comment that would've been wildly inappropriate to make in front of Lexi. Ben must have been able to read his mind anyway, because he slapped him on the shoulder and gave him an admonishing look. The effects were completely ruined, however, by the wink he sent him immediately afterwards.

"Alright," Ben cleared his throat and brushed the non-existent dust off his clothes. "I better get going. You'll spent the day with Callum, okay?" he said to Lexi.

For an irrational long second Callum feared that Lexi didn't want to stay with him, but she already nodded her head enthusiastically.

"And no misbehaving, alright? I don' wanna hear that you gave Callum a hard time."

At that, Lexi seemed offended.

"Of course not, Daddy. I know how to behave. I'm a proper lady," she said with her head held high.

Ben smiled and scooped her up in his arms. "That you are, baby. I'm going to work now." He kissed her on the cheek. "See ya tonight."

"Bye, Daddy." Lexi threw her arms around Ben's neck and gave him a wet kiss on the cheek. Ben set Lexi down on the bed again to lean over Callum, giving him a peck on the lips.

"Call me if there's any trouble, yeah?"

"Yeah. But there won't be."

Ben smiled and kissed him again before turning to leave, not without ruffling Lexi's hair on his way out.

"Daddy!" she protested loudly, pouting indignantly.

Callum chuckled to himself.

"Come here," he said and carefully tugged at a strand of hair here and there. "There. All better now."

Lexi beamed at him.

"Thanks, Callum."

"My pleasure, Lex."

Lexi sat back and looked at him expectantly.

"What now?"

Callum was at a loss for a moment. Sure, he loved Lexi and he loved spending time with her. But he just realised that he had never actually been taking care of her for an entire day all by himself. Panic crept up his throat. Before it could overwhelm him, he asked, "Did you have breakfast?"

Lexi nodded. "Yeah, Daddy made me some."

"Okay, good." At least that was taken care of. "Uh...why don't you go downstairs and watch some telly while I get ready, yeah?"

"Okay."

And off she bounced, humming and singing a song Callum didn't recognise.

He took a deep breath and rubbed his hands across his face.

"You can do this. No problem," he mumbled to himself.

And really, it wasn't that hard, was it? They could watch a movie, play some games. And if Lexi grew tired of that, she had all her toys here. Easy. The day would fly by in no time. Callum felt himself calm down. Before his mind could come up with more things to worry about, he got up and gathered his clothes. As he headed to the bathroom he could hear the sounds of the telly from downstairs. Good. So Lexi wasn't up to anything she shouldn't be. Locking the bathroom door behind him, Callum quickly got into the shower. Warm water ran down his body and the last of his nervousness washed away. He closed his eyes and sighed in contentment. His muscles relaxed and he allowed himself to let his mind wander for a few seconds. He was happy. After all the drama they had to go through to get here, life was finally good. Callum smiled to himself as he thought about Ben and the happiness he had brought him. He knew many people would disagree, but Ben Mitchell was truly the best thing that had ever happened to him and he wouldn't trade him or their time together - good or bad - for anything in the world.

Callum was abruptly brought back into reality when the shower suddenly turned ice cold. He let out a surprised shriek as his skin was doused in freezing water and, reacting on instinct, he tried to get away from it as fast as possible. His hastiness caused him to lose his footing and he slipped. In a desperate attempt not to fall he grabbed the shower curtain. To no avail. With a loud crash he landed on the bathroom floor, taking half a dozen shampoo bottles with him.

Blinking up at the ceiling, it took a moment for his brain to catch up. How he had managed to land exactly in the small space between the washbasin and the toilet, he didn't know. His legs were still in the bath tub, the shower curtain was draped around him and the cold water sprayed parts of his body.

"Callum?" Lexi's voice came from the other side of the door.

"I'm...I'm okay, Lexi. Just bumped into the sideboard," he said and suppressed a groan as the pain from hitting the floor started to spread through his body. He didn't want to scare Lexi.

"I'll be down in a second."

"Okay." She sounded unsure, but Callum could hear her walk away. Only then did he try to sit up and take full stock of the situation. It didn't feel like anything was broken and he didn't hit his head, so no concussion. No need to see a doctor then, which was a relief. There were definitely more fun things to do than spending a day at the A & E. He would probably have a few bruises, but nothing serious. Just as he carefully got up from the floor did he see the blood running down his left arm.

"Shit!"

Where did that come from? Had he hurt himself after all? He lifted his arm, following the trail of blood on his skin.

Oh.

The cut on the heel of his hand. He had dropped a plate a week ago while doing the dishes and had hurt his hand while picking up the shards. The wound must have reopened.

Callum pressed his lips together and stared at it. There wasn't that much blood and it didn't really hurt, but it reminded him of something he didn't want to think about. He couldn't, wouldn't, deal with this. Not right now. Pushing the dark and ugly thoughts back into the box where they belonged, Callum quickly washed the blood away. He found a plaster in the first-aid kit that was big enough for the cut. With some difficulty he managed to apply it. That should do the trick.

After picking up the shampoo bottles and putting them back, Callum turned the shower off and on again. Still cold. So he hadn't switched the heat off by accidentally knocking against the thermostat. Which meant that something must be wrong with the boiler.

Perfect. Just perfect.

He sighed. Hopefully, it wasn't completely bust. Not in the mood to fumble the shower curtain back on, he dumped it in the bath tub. He already had goosebumps all over his skin, so he towelled himself off and quickly got dressed. His hair only got a cursory treatment before he made his way downstairs.

  
  


  
  


Lexi sat in front of the telly and watched Hannah Montana, swinging her legs and humming happily, when Callum entered the room.

He still didn't get the concept of the series despite Ben trying to explain it to him multiple times. But then again he wasn't really the target demographic, so it didn't bother him too much. He could watch it with Ben and Lexi, who were big fans for whatever reason, without understanding much of it and just enjoy being with his two favourite people.

"You okay watching a bit longer? I have to take care of some stuff real quick," he asked and sat down beside Lexi for a moment.

The sofa dipped under his weight and if he didn't know that it had nothing to do with him but rather that the whole thing was worn out and ragged, he would've felt self-conscious. Lexi on her part didn't even notice that she had involuntarily skidded towards him. She just pressed into his side and looked up at him.

"Your hair looks funny," she stated apropos of nothing.

He laughed and tapped her on the nose.

"Does it? Guess ya have to fix it for me later, yeah?"

At that, Lexi's eyes lit up and she clapped her hands together in excitement.

"Can I really?"

For a second, Callum hesitated, thinking about how Lexi could really get carried away with playing dress up. But then he shook his head at himself. What did it matter? As long as Lexi was happy.

He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pressed a kiss to her head.

"Promise. But I  have to take a look at the boiler first."

"Okay."

And her focus shifted back to the telly.

Callum smiled before he got up and made his way to the small cupboard under the stairs. The space was cramped and dusty, holding barely enough room for the boiler. Not that Callum was an expert, but that thing looked ancient and he wondered when it had been installed. Probably in the eighties. He put a hand on it. No heat or even a soft humming of machinery to indicate that it was working. Searching for a switch or a button, he had to get on all fours, twisting his definitely too tall body to get into the tiny space. At the most inconvenient and unreachable point, he finally found the blasted button. He pressed it three times. Nothing. Not even a flicker of life.

"Brilliant. Bloody brilliant," he mumbled under his breath while slowly crawling backwards. Dust tickled his nose and he sneezed. Naturally, he hit his head on a pipe in the process.

The stream of curses that escaped him were beyond his control.

"You said a bad word," singsonged a voice behind him.

Lexi.

Callum made it the rest of the way out of the closet without adding any more injuries to his already bruised up body and turned around to her. She stood in the doorway, rocking on her heels and grinning from ear to ear.

"That ain't counting. You wouldn't have heard that if you'd stayed in the living room," he said and pointed his finger at her.

"I'm telling Daddy," she sang and danced out of the hallway. "And you've got to go to a restaurant with Daddy and me and I'm going to wear my new dress and there's going to be candles and white sheets on the tables and men in suits bringing us all the nice foods," Lexi continued, slightly stumbling over the words in her excitement.

Callum followed her, fighting against the smile threatening to break out on his face. He well remembered the pact he and Ben and Lola and Jay had made with Lexi a couple of weeks back. Lexi had said a curse word she'd heard at school and had gotten an earful about it from her parents. She had argued that grown ups used bad language and why was she in trouble when they did it all the time? And thus, they had agreed they would curse no more and the first one to break the pact had to treat the others to a fancy restaurant for dinner.

Spinning through the room, Callum caught her just in time before she knocked into the table. He lifted her up and settled her on his hip.

"Tell you what. When your Dad comes home tonight he can help you pick a place and I'm going to make a reservation first thing tomorrow. Sound good?"

"Yes!" Lexi squealed and threw her arms around his neck.

Callum smiled and held her close. It was still baffling to him how this amazing little girl had managed to capture his heart so quickly. Then again, her Dad was no different. He loved them both so much.

"I've got to make a phone call and then we can play whatever you want, yeah?" he said and attempted to set her down. But Lexi tightened her hold on him and mumbled into his shoulder, "I'm cold."

Now that she mentioned it, it was colder in the room than it was supposed to be. Not that big a surprise really. No boiler meant no warm water and no heating.

"Yeah, it's a bit chilly, innit?" Callum said more to himself than to Lexi. He grabbed the blanket from the couch and wrapped it around the girl in his arms.

"Better?"

After some consideration Lexi conceded, "A little. But 'm still cold."

"How about I make you a hot chocolate to warm you up properly?" Callum suggested, already knowing the answer.

"Yes, please!" Lexi nodded with bright eyes and snuggled even closer into his arms.

"Coming right up, princess."

As Lexi didn't show any indication that she wanted to be put down any time soon, Callum carried her with him into the kitchen. Getting the milk into the pot and heated while searching for the cocoa with only one free arm proved to be a challenge, but Callum just about managed. He mixed the powder and some sugar into a cup of water before he stirred everything into the milk.

"Daddy always puts the cocoa directly into the milk and then heats it up," Lexi told him as she watched the whole process.

"That's because your Daddy can't cook to save his life. And his cocoa is always lumpy. But don't tell him I said that."

Lexi giggled.

"Mummy's is lumpy, too," she whispered like she was letting him in on a big secret.

Callum grinned.

"Good thing I'm here then. Can't have you drinking lumpy chocolate for the rest of your life, can we? And maybe I can teach your Mum and Dad how to make a proper hot chocolate."

At that Lexi shook her head vehemently.

"No! I want you to make it for me. And you can never leave, because you're the only one who knows how to make it."

To say her words were a shock was an understatement.

"What makes you think I would leave?"

She shrugged, her eyes never leaving the chocolate and the pot, and explained matter-of-factly, "You left on Christmas once and didn't come back for ages. And when you and Daddy fought couple of months back, you were gone a really long time."

Callum cringed inwardly. That had been an awful fight. One if not the worst they had ever had. And it had nearly broke them. Finding out that Ben had lied to him. Had looked him in the eyes and had lied to his face about that heist in the warehouse. Callum hadn't known if he could ever forgive Ben for that. An echo of that stabbing pain still clung to his heart whenever he thought about it. But he also remembered the pain Ben had been in, how he had finally understood how lost and broken Ben had been ever since the kidnapping and losing his hearing. They had reached a breaking point back then and Callum didn't like to admit it, but there had been a moment when he had thought about walking away. About leaving everything behind. The thing was though that he loved Ben. So, so much. And despite everything, he knew - had always known - that Ben loved him, too, and if Callum left, Ben wouldn't recover from that. So Callum had stayed. For the both of them. To fight for what they had. Because it was special and worth every heartbreak if it meant they still had each other in the end.

Struggling to find the right words to explain that to a child in ways she would understand, Callum opened and closed his mouth a couple of times.

"'m not going anywhere, Lex," he finally settled on. "I know your Dad and me, we had our problems and it took us some time to get through everything, but we are past that now. We're in a good place and I'm sorry I made you think I wouldn't come back. We - _I_ \- should have talked to you."

To be honest, the idea that Lexi had been this effected had never even crossed his mind. Swallowing the guilt that burned hot in the back of his throat, he continued, "And yeah, sometimes we will fight, because your Dad can be pretty pigheaded and does stupid things sometimes. And there will be problems, because I sometimes push too much and don't give him enough space to figure stuff out on his own. But I'm not leaving again, yeah?"

"Promise?" Lexi asked, her voice tiny and very much that of the child she still was, despite her acting much older most of the times.

"Cross my heart, hope to die," Callum promised. "I love you and your Dad so much and you make me very happy. Not a chance that I'm letting either of you go ever again."

Lexi threw her arms around his neck.

"I love you, too, Callum. And I promise I'm not meaning it when I get mad at you for making me eat my peas or telling me to go to bed."

"I know that, sweetheart," Callum said and held her close while he fought the tears threatening to spill.

The smell of burning milk wafted up his nose, effectively ruining the moment.

"Shit!"

Lexi lifted her head and grinned at him. "You said a bad word again."

Grimacing, Callum said, "Tell you what. We're keeping that between you and me and I'm going to buy you ice cream later."

Because Ben would already tease him about being the one who had slipped first, let alone twice in the span of an hour, and Callum wasn't above bribing an eight year old.

And Lexi, because she was Ben's daughter and a Mitchell, knew when she had the upper-hand and could get more out of a situation, added, "With sprinkles on top and I want marshmallows in my chocolate."

"Done," Callum agreed.

Before she could think of more, he set her down and said, "You go wash your hands and I get your chocolate ready."

And off she was, the blanket fluttering behind her like a cape.

Pouring the hot liquid into Lexi's favourite mug and searching in the cupboards for the marshmallows, Callum used the time to ring the plumber for the boiler, his heart rate picking up a bit. He hated talking to strangers on the phone.

It rang a few times before someone picked up.

"'ullo?" a voice grunted on the other end.

"Hello. My boiler broke down and ... well, not mine, my boyfriend's, or rather his family's, it's not his house ..." Callum abruptly stopped his ramblings and closed his eyes for a second. Embarrassed, he could feel heat rising up in his cheeks. Why did he always have to be so awkward?

Taking a deep breath, he started again, "My boiler broke down and I was wondering when you could send someone over to check on it?"

There was another grunt and some papers rustling.

"Thursday."

Callum waited for more details, but when nothing came he said, "That's a bit late, innit? There's no heat or hot water and it's already freezing in here. Can't you sent someone sooner?"

"Sorry, mate, no can do."

Callum sighed, not in the mood to argue or to find someone else.

"Fine."

He gave the man the address and scribbled down the time and the name of the plumber on a piece of paper.

While rinsing out the pot and scrubbing off the burned milk from the bottom, he shot a quick text to Ben.

\- Boiler broke. Plumber not til Thurs. Takin Lexi to the flat. X

Ben's reply came instantly. Either he had his phone in his hands when he got Callum's text or business was running slow at the moment.

\- Please tell me ya jokin'.

\- Afraid not. Sorry.

Callum could picture Ben sighing heavily and rubbing at his face.

\- Sorry you'v got to deal with this. Going to make it up to ya, promise. XXX

With a grin Callum put his phone away. Not that he needed anything for compensation, he didn't mind taking care of this stuff. Part of being in a relationship, wasn't it? But he certainly wouldn't say No to Ben. A shiver ran down his spine as he remembered the last time Ben had felt the need to make something up to Callum. If Ben hadn't already ruined him for any other men, that night certainly would have.

Lexi came back into the kitchen, bringing him back into reality.

"Can we have bangers and mash for lunch?" she asked while she climbed onto a chair.

"Sure, whatever you want. Just have to make a quick run to the Minute Mart." Callum set down the mug in front of her.

"Be careful, might still be hot," he warned her. For that Lexi gave him an almighty eye roll that she only could have gotten from Ben.

"I know that, Callum. It's hot chocolate," she explained to him like he was the child. Picking up her mug, she blew on it a few times before she started drinking. Callum just shook his head with a fond smile.

His phone dinged with another text from Ben.

\- Everythin else ok? Lex behavin herself?

As a reply Callum sent him a picture of a grinning Lexi with a chocolate moustache.


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is the second part, hope you enjoy it.  
> Thank you to everyone for reading, leaving kudos or commenting on the first part! :)
> 
> I wouldn’t say it’s super important to have seen the first Shrek movie, but I guess it would help if you have or read a synopsis at least.

**Part Two**

Lexi raced up the stairs with her rucksack bouncing precariously up and down on her back. Before Callum could call out to her to be careful she had reached the top. He followed her in a more moderate pace, knowing full well that he would trip and fall otherwise. What with the heavy bags of groceries he was carrying. Not to mention that he still felt a little sore from his tumble in the shower this morning. Putting the strain of racing up a steep staircase on his body probably wouldn't be the best idea.

By the time he entered the flat Lexi had already made herself comfortable on the couch, swinging her legs back and forth in anticipation.

Callum barely had time to put down the bags on the kitchen counter before Lexi asked, "Can we have a tea party?"

The question was innocent enough and a couple of months back he would have agreed without hesitation. He knew better now. Tea party with Lexi was an intricate affair, involving a lot of complex stories and made up characters that Callum always had trouble following. Ben on the other hand could keep up no problem. That normally left Callum to just enjoy watching them run rampant with their imagination despite not having a clue what was going on himself. Ben wasn't here though and Callum was on his own.

Lexi looked at him with her big blue eyes and he found it hard to deny her anything.

"How about I make some lunch first and we have a tea party later with your Dad? Wouldn't want him to miss out on all the fun," he suggested instead.

Lexi crinkled her forehead in contemplation. Callum could practically see what was going on in her head. On the one hand, she really wanted to have a tea party now. On the other, she didn't want her Daddy to feel sad because they had tea without him. In the end, her love for her Dad and making him happy won out.

"Okay," she agreed and nodded her head. After a second her face lit up with an idea.

"Daddy can go by Grandpa's house and bring Mr Fizzles and Miss Honeybuckle. They behaved very badly at the last party and I sent them on a vacation, so they could think about what they'd done. But I have forgiven them now," she explained to Callum with a very serious face. Callum bit back a smile.

"That's very generous of you, Lex," he said.

"That's because I'm a very mang ... magnim ... magani ..."

She stumbled over the word.

Callum waited a second if she would get it herself, before he said, "Magnanimous?"

"Yes, that," she nodded her head.

While Callum was highly impressed that Lexi knew such a word at her age and asked himself were she'd picked it up, Lexi was now fully reconciled with the delay of her tea party and pulled one of her dolls out of her rucksack.

With a smile he watched her play while he unpacked the groceries and started on lunch.

Later, when they'd eaten and Callum was doing the dishes, Lexi was rummaging through the boxes in the corner. Why were there boxes anyway? He couldn't remember them being there the last time he had been here. Then again, when was the last time he had spent any amount of time in his flat? Every once in a while, Lexi interrupted his thoughts on why he still called it his flat with Stuart and Rainie living here mostly by themselves and at which point he and Ben seemed to have moved in together with questions like, "What's that?" or "Can I play with that?" And Callum would look up to see what she'd unearthed.

An old video camera. An incomplete collection of Spider-Man comics. His plush elephant, Benjamin.

Callum was a bit put out that his childhood best friend had ended up in a box and vowed to take him with him later. Yes, he knew he was a fully grown man, thank you very much. Didn't mean he would ditch his one-time best friend. Even if he was a washed-out blue elephant with only one button eye and a rip in his left ear.

Lexi pulled the lid from another box.

"What is _that_?"

Her voice sounded so astonished that Callum came over to her, fearing she had found something that she shouldn't have.

But when he looked inside the box it was just filled with some old video cassettes. Most of them without their cases or any other kind of label and Callum had no idea what was on them.

Lexi pulled one out that was still in its case. The picture on the front was old and faded, still visible enough though to make out the donkey, the green ogre in the middle, and the princess on the left. The first Shrek movie. God, when was the last time he had seen that film? Must've been at least fifteen years ago.

"Can we watch that?" Lexi asked so excited that it nearly broke his heart to turn her down.

"I'm sorry, Lex, we don't have a VCR to play it on."

"Oh."

She looked so disappointed that Callum offered, "Maybe they have it on Netflix. Or we can get the DVD from somewhere."

"Mhm."

She shrugged her shoulders, her head still hanging low. Apparently, it wasn't just the movie she wanted to see, but try out this, in her eyes, ancient technology.

Callum didn't have it in him to put her off for a second time today, so he said, "Let me see what I can do, yeah? Someone around here still must've a VCR."

Lexi beamed at him like Christmas had come early and threw her arms around his neck.

"Really? You're the best, Callum!"

"Anything for you, princess."

He called Ben first. Maybe the Mitchells still had one tucked away somewhere.

It rang a few times before Ben picked up.

"Hey, babe, was just thinking about you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. About last night and the noise you made when ..."

"Ben!" Callum interrupted him hurriedly, blushing a deep red. He glanced at Lexi on the sofa, fearing she might've overheard their conversation, but she was happily playing with her doll, oblivious to her surroundings.

Ben laughed. "You're a prude, babe."

Callum huffed in annoyance.

"When I'm watching your eight year old daughter, I am, yeah."

"She running you ragged?"

"Nah, she's a darling."

He glanced at her again and gave her a thumbs up when she held her doll up to show him what she'd done with her hair.

"No, I was wonderin', do you still have a VCR somewhere?"

There was a minute of utter silence.

"Cal, sweetheart, man of my dreams, I hate to break it to ya, but they no longer make those. But don't worry, there's this newfangled thing called streaming service. They have tons of movies you can watch any time you want. Sounds crazy, I know, but I promise ya it'll change your life."

Callum waited patiently until Ben finished his mocking.

"You done?"

"Not yet. Have to explain to ya how to get it to work, grandpa. First, you have to turn on the telly and now the tricky part is where you ..."

"Yeah, I'm good, thanks," Callum interrupted him with an eye roll and a small smile, both of which Ben couldn't see. "And 'grandpa'? Really? I'm not that much older than you, you know."

"No, but you were the one asking after a VCR," Ben countered. "What do you need it for, anyway?"

"Lexi found a box with old video cassettes and really wants to see a movie on video and if it makes her happy, who am I to say no?"

There was another pause before Ben said with an incredibly fond voice, "You've no idea how much I love you right now. You're the best, you know that? Would kiss ya silly if you were here."

Callum blushed. "Hold that thought for later."

Ben chuckled.

"Oh, definitely! And until then I'm thinking of all the ways I can spoil and worship you when I get home."

Callum felt his blush deepen as his thoughts wandered into a direction where he really shouldn't go right now. Not with Ben so far out of reach at the moment.

"So do you have a VCR or not?"

"No, don't think so. But doesn't Jay keep one downstairs? For all them old folks who haven't digitalized their precious family moments?"

"That broke down when he did the funeral for Mr Davies."

"Yeah, but he got a new one for that cat lady. What was her name again? Something like Whiskers..."

"Watkins," Callum corrected him. "And you'll go to hell for making fun of a dead woman."

"Well, she did want to be buried with her stuffed dead cats. And all of the pictures she had of them," Ben pointed out and Callum had to agree that it was a bit weird, even if he generally didn't like to judge people on how they wanted to spend eternity. While Callum struggled with his moral dilemma, Ben kept talking.

"I'll give Jay a call, have to phone him anyway, and ask him where he keeps it. You just keep Lex entertained."

"Thanks."

"Anything for my knight in shining armour."

"One day you'll run out of ways to make fun of me."

"Never, babe. That's how I function. And how I express my undying love for ya."

Callum rolled his eyes.

"Love you, too. Bye."

"Bye, loverboy."

An hour later Callum sat in front of the telly, VCR propped up in front of him and what felt like a thousand different cords and cables scattered around him. None of which he knew what they were for or where to plug them in.

The only upside was that Lexi was having the time of her life. She sat on the sofa, cheering him on and laughing when he connected the wrong cable. Again.

He picked one up that he thought he'd tried before, but he was getting desperate and shoved it into the cable socket. The lights flickered, there was a crackle and he got zapped by the telly. Biting back an almighty curse, because no way would he break their pact a third time today, Callum rubbed his arm. A slight tingle still remained.

Lexi took pity on his misery and asked, "Can I try?"

Before he could tell her no, that she could get hurt, she'd hopped down from the sofa and picked a cord Callum had tried half an hour ago. Ten seconds later the telly was flickering with static, the VCR humming quietly, ready to play.

And Callum felt like the dumbest idiot on the planet.

Lexi just grinned and hugged him.

"Don't be sad, Callum. Daddy is bad at this stuff, too."

"Thank you, Lex. And don't you dare tell him about this!" he added as an afterthought. He would never live this down.

After sliding the video into the VCR Callum sat on the sofa, Lexi tucked into his side. He put his arm around her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, feeling her practically vibrating with excitement. Hoping she wouldn't be disappointed by the film, he pressed play on the remote.

For a few seconds the screen was black before it flickered into life and the DreamWorks logo started to appear.

Callum smiled. As a child, he had been in awe of the moon and the boy with his fishing rod. Lexi beside him hummed along to the music.

He had forgotten how at the same time relaxing and exciting watching a video was. Relaxing because other than pushing play you didn't have to do anything. No language set up, no navigating through the menu. And exciting because you actually had to wait for the movie to start. You couldn't just press a button and jump ahead to the main film. There were trailers for other movies, copyright warnings and the likes. Although he doubted anyone ever bothered to read those.

As the first trailer came on he felt a wave of nostalgia hit him, despite not having seen _Joseph - King of Dreams_. Just the way it was presented and how the commentator tried to sell the movie sent him back into his childhood.

Next up was a trailer for the back then new Barbie film. Callum glanced at Lexi. Predictably, her eyes lit up and she sat up straighter, following it with rapid attention. He had a feeling he knew what she wanted to see next, if she did not demand to switch films right away. Callum found himself humming along to the music. He had no love lost for a Barbie movie, but he wouldn't mind watching this one with her. The music was good at least and if they had kept even a shred of plot from the original nutcracker it couldn't be half bad. By today's standards the animation was atrocious though.

Writing appeared on the screen.

_The legend …_ _A_ _lost city of gold …_

Callum frowned. With a distinct feeling that he had seen this, he tried to remember which movie it was. The second before the first picture was shown, he knew.

_The Road to El Dorado_.

He wondered if Ben had ever seen it. Everything in it was right up his alley and Callum just knew he would enjoy it immensely. Especially when he found out that Miguel and Tulio were initially intended to be a couple. Even though they had changed it in the end there was still enough of the chemistry between the characters left.

Half way through the trailer Lexi grew impatient.

"When does the film start? I want to see it," she complained.

"Not long now. Just a few more seconds," Callum tried to reassure her, hoping he was right. Luckily, he was.

The DreamWorks logo appeared for the final time, now with the film music playing in the background. A shiver ran down his spine. There just was something about the music that was heartbreakingly beautiful. A fairytale book appeared on the screen and when the first page was shown, Lexi breathed in awe.

Transfixed on the film, she followed with rapid attention as the pages turned.

"Look, a dragon!" she shouted in excitement and added a second later, "Why are the dragons always bad? I bet it's very lonely. If I were locked in a tower, I would be friends with the dragon and fly around on its back the whole day!"

Before Callum could respond to that, before he even had the chance to marvel at Lexi's big heart, she was already absorbed in the next part of the story.

Callum was reminded of how good the movie actually was. And he had to admit that it was a lot funnier to watch it as an adult where he actually got to appreciate the subtle humour. The best part though was seeing how engaged Lexi was in the story. He had initially feared that she would be scared. The scene where the villagers came into the swamp with pitchforks and torches and Shrek scared them away with his tale about ogres had frightened him as a kid. But Lexi had proven once again that she wasn't afraid of anything. She had gotten angry at the mob and had cheered Shrek on, having instantly taking a liking to him. Even when it hadn't been obvious yet that he was one of the good guys, she had already figured him out.

"Don't you think he was a bit mean to Donkey?" Callum had to ask when Shrek and Donkey met for the first time, not understanding how Lexi could like Shrek this much.

She shook her head. "No, he just says mean things, because he doesn't want to get hurt. He's just protecting himself."

That showed a level of empathy and understanding of human nature Callum hadn't expected from an eight year old. Hell, most adults didn't even get that.

"You're a really amazing girl, Lex," he said, because he had to.

Lexi barely heard him, to focused on what was happening on the screen.

Callum smiled and turned his attention back, too. Together, they watched as Shrek involuntarily turned into the hero for the fairytale people, felt for the gingerbread man and were disgusted by Lord Farquaad.

"He doesn't deserve to marry a princess! He just wants to be king. That's wrong! You can only marry when you're in love!"

Both of them found the town of Duloc to be the worst place ever and agreed they would never live there, not even for money.

Lexi shrieked when Lord Farquaad told the knights to kill Shrek.

"NO! Don't you dare hurt him!"

She jumped up from the couch and shook her fists at them. When Shrek won, she bounced up and down in joy. Deeply satisfied, she settled back beside Callum.

The first time Lexi's face scrunched up in confusion was when Shrek and Donkey walked through the sunflower field.

"What does he mean?" she asked and turned around to look at Callum. "Why are ogres onions?"

Callum bit back a grin and answered, "They are _like_ onions. You know when you peel back the brown stuff on an onion there is the white onion underneath?"

Lexi nodded.

"And when you peel back the first white layer there is another one after that and another one and so on. But you don't see all the layers when you look at the unpeeled onion. There are so many layers you don't see. And ogres, and people too, are like that. They have many layers, many different strengths and weaknesses, different traits and characteristics that you don't see at first glance."

"Oh," Lexi's eyes widened in understanding and she nodded again. "Just like Daddy."

That caught him off guard.

"What?"

He had no idea what she was talking about.

"Everyone always thinks Daddy is mean and bad, but they don't know him. Not really. They just see the first layer of the onion. But they don't see how funny he is and how he plays with me and takes care of me when I'm sick. And how he cries at sad movies and sings along to the radio and does the voices when he tells me a bedtime story."

Tears gathered at the corners of Callum's eyes. God, what had he done to deserve Lexi and Ben in his life? Not wanting Lexi to see him cry, he hugged her.

"You're right. Just like your Dad. People don't see how amazing he is and what a big heart he has."

"But you and I do," Lexi whispered into his ear and hugged him back.

"Yeah, we do."

The credits started rolling and Callum looked at Lexi.

"Did you have fun?" he asked. Not that he needed to. She had been so invested from the start, commenting on everyone and everything, cheering in joy and crying out in outrage at various scenes.

"Yes!" she practically screamed and jumped up and down on the couch in excitement.

"Shrek was mean to everyone at first and wanted to be alone, but he just needed someone like Donkey and Fiona in his life. He just needed friends and love. And Fiona needed someone who accepted her for who she really was. Because I think she was an ogre all along and the curse was that she was human by day," Lexi kept babbling on and on, Callum hardly able to keep up. "She needed to learn to like herself and not be who everyone else wanted her to be. She's not a princess in need of rescuing who marries Prince Charming. Shrek is loads better for her than any Prince. They're the perfect couple, because they can be themselves together. Just like you and Daddy," she concluded her little speech and plopped back down into the couch cushions.

Callum's head was spinning, but Lexi didn't seem to notice his struggle as she kept talking.

"You know," she said with a thoughtful face, "I think Daddy is Shrek and you're Fiona."

Callum was still trying to process all that she had said, so he asked very intelligently, "Huh?"

"Yeah, because I've been thinking. See, Shrek saves Fiona from the dragon and being locked up in the tower," she started explaining with her eyes on Callum now to make sure he understood her. "And before you and Daddy fell in love, you and Whitney were together and wanted to get married. But Daddy says you didn't really love her, not in the way husband and wife love each other, and you only wanted to marry her, because you thought that was what everyone wanted. But you were unhappy and trapped like Fiona. And then Daddy came along and saved you. Just like Shrek did with Fiona. Which makes Whitney the dragon, I think," Lexi added as an afterthought.

While she contemplated this new development, Callum had several things running through his head. First of all, what exactly had Ben told Lexi about how they had gotten together?! Because he must have told her a lot, otherwise Lexi would've never been able to make all of these connections. Which led him to the second thing. The more he thought about it, the more he could see what Lexi meant. He had been kind of trapped in his life like Fiona in her tower and if Ben - or in Fiona's case Shrek - hadn't come along he would still be there. And Whitney as the dragon - he kind of could see that, too. Not that Whit had ever stopped him from leaving in any way. No. She really hadn't done anything wrong and Callum hated that he had hurt her, when all she had wanted was to be happy with him. But wasn't that like the dragon? She had been terribly lonely in her castle and only fought so fiercely against all the knights so they wouldn't take Fiona from her.

Callum shook his head. There really was a lot in this movie that could be linked to his and Ben's relationship. Who would have thought?

"You know what? I think you're right, your Dad and I resemble Shrek and Fiona a lot," he said and tapped her on the nose. "Although I don't think I would look very good in a green dress."

Lexi giggled into her hands at that.

The sky outside had started to turn dark an hour ago and was nearly pitch black by now. Or as black as it could get in East London. Callum was stretched out on his back, his eyes dropping shut every once in awhile. It was just so comfortable, lying here in the pillow fort he and Lexi had built after they had finished the movie. That they had basically turned the whole flat upside down in the process, dragging every pillow and blanket they could find into the living room, didn't bother him in the slightest. Maybe Stuart and Rainie would have a different opinion on that when they got back from their holiday and saw the giant nail they had banged into the wall. But how else were they supposed to put up the sheets for the roof of the fort when they didn't have a rope to throw it over? And they had to attach the rope to the wall somehow. Callum figured he would just hang up a picture or something once they pulled the fort down.

"Callum?" Lexi asked where she was sprawled out on her stomach beside him, giving what was possibly her fifth drawing today the final touch.

"Yeah?"

"You can have more than one Dad, right?"

"Of course," Callum answered slowly, not sure where Lexi was going with this, and got up on his elbows to look at her.

"And more than two?"

"I suppose so, yes. Why?"

She kept on drawing while Callum tried not to let his thoughts spin out of control.

"Almost everyone at school has a mum and a dad. Only Agatha has two mums and Alfie has just his dad. But I have Mummy and Daddy and Mummy is with Uncle Jay, so he's my Dad, too, and Daddy is with you." She looked up at him. "Which makes you my third Dad, right?"

Callum had to swallow around the sudden lump in his throat.

"Yeah, I guess, it does," he managed to get out.

Lexi nodded and got back to her drawing. She didn't notice that Callum was fighting with tears. He had never allowed himself to think like that. Yes, he loved Ben and wanted to spend the rest of his life with him and he loved Lexi and would do anything for her, but she already had Ben as her dad. What did she need him for? But Lexi obviously had very different feelings on the matter. In her eyes, he fell in the same category as Ben and Jay. She saw him as her dad! Something clicked into place inside him and he felt whole. Loved and protected by the family he had kind of stumbled into.

"Well, this looks cosy," Ben's voice interrupted his emotional revelation.

"Daddy!" Lexi screamed and scrambled to her feet. She accidentally tore down the fairy lights and Callum just about managed not to be hit in the head by the chair she knocked over.

Ben laughed as Lexi bumped into his legs and lifted her up into his arms.

"Hello, princess. Did you have fun today?"

"Yes! Callum made me hot chocolate and we saw five dogs in the park, when we got ice cream. Five! And Callum said a bad word twice, so he has to take us to a fancy restaurant."

"Oy, the second bad word was our secret," Callum protested from the floor. "That's why you got the ice cream, remember?"

"Oops," Lexi giggled and Ben laughed.

"Sounds like you two had an amazing day."

"Yes, Callum is the best! I'm so glad you saved him from his tower and his dragon. But I hope Whitney soon finds her Donkey, so she can be happy, too."

Ben stared at her like she had grown a second head. Callum grinned. It wasn't often that Ben Mitchell was lost for words.

He got to his feet and said to Lexi, "Why don't you get your stuff and I explain to your Dad why he's an ogre who saved a princess from the clutches of a dragon."

"Okay," Lexi cheerfully agreed and wiggled out of Ben's arms.

"I get a feeling that I missed a lot more than dogs in the park and you bribing Lex with ice cream," Ben said with an amused grin.

"Oh, you have no idea," Callum answered and pulled him into a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stuff that came up while writing:  
> \- Did I read too much into this movie? Possibly. Do I stand by everything I’ve written? Absolutely.  
> \- Benjamin the elephant was kind of a spur-of-the-moment invention, but I’m a big fan of him now. Might keep him around for future stories.  
> \- Is it video cassettes? Video tapes? VHS? I found a lot of different names, which all seem to mean the same thing.  
> \- I actually looked up which trailers were on the UK VHS of Shrek and unless ficcreation and youtube both lied to me, those were the movie trailers on it.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter! :) Comments and kudos are always welcomed. :)  
> The last part should be up on Friday.


	3. Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the last (and a bit more angst filled) part.  
> Hope you all enjoy it and let me know what you think! :) I had really fun writing this story. 
> 
> Warning for talk about self-harm (but nothing graphic) and maybe a minor panic attack.

**P** **art Three**

  
  


While Ben brought Lexi over to Billy's, where she and Lola would be staying until the boiler was fixed, Callum tidied up a bit. Or pretended to, anyway. It would take at least two hours to get the flat back to normal. If he was honest, he liked it better this way. In a half-hearted attempt, he pushed the boxes back into the corner, not forgetting to pick up Benjamin and set him down on the counter top where he could see him. He collected the dirty dinner plates from the floor and put them in the sink. While making the decision to leave the pillow fort as it was, he heard Ben's footsteps on the stairs.

Callum didn't get the chance to say anything before Ben grabbed him by his shirt and kissed him breathless.

"You were amazing today," Ben said against his lips. "Lexi couldn't stop talking about you."

Callum smiled. "I'm glad she had fun."

Ben pushed him back against the wall and kissed him again, wandered along his jaw with his lips, down to his neck.

"She did. You're her favourite person in the whole world. Which is lucky, because I'm pretty fond of you, too, you know."

A shiver ran down his spine as Ben's teeth scraped against his skin.

"You're the best, Cal. Don't know what I did to have you in my life. I'm the luckiest man alive."

Callum could barely think straight with Ben's hands roaming all over his body. Every touch, teasing and full of promise, set his skin on fire. Every word, every declaration of love Ben whispered into his ear had his head spinning.

"God, I love you!"

In a tangle of arms and legs they stumbled into the bedroom, tearing each other's clothes off and landing on the bed with a crash.

When Callum woke up a couple of hours later his body ached in the best way possible and he couldn't keep the smile off his face. Still half a sleep, he reached out for Ben, but was surprised to find the bed beside him empty. A little more awake he raised his head and looked around. Only now could he hear the faint noise coming from the living room. Curious what Ben was up to, Callum got up and pulled on some clothes.

The living room was dark apart from the fairy lights and the telly.

He found Ben nestled into the pillow fort, watching the Shrek movie.

When he saw Callum, he said with a smile, "Hey, babe. Couldn't sleep and didn't wanna wake ya."

"Wanted to see what Lexi meant about you being an ogre, huh?" Callum grinned as he crawled behind Ben and pulled him into his arms.

"Kind of. Don't see it yet, to be honest."

"Just wait a bit. The similarities are definitely there."

For that, Ben pinched him in the side.

"If you're calling me fat, Cal ..."

Callum laughed.

"Never. Maybe a bit chubby."

"Oy, watch your mouth, mister, or you're sleeping on the couch for the next week."

"As if you could last that long without me," Callum countered.

Now it was Ben's turn to laugh.

"Someone's cheeky today."

"Ain't cheeky if it's the truth."

Ben tried pinching him again, but Callum rolled out of the way in time. Their little banter quickly turned into a tickle fight, which only ended when they were both breathless from laughing.

"Truce?"

"Yeah. But only because I want to watch the movie. I was so going to win."

"Sure you were," Callum grinned and rolled onto his back. Ben flicked his ear before he settled down on top of him.

With a hum he said, "Pretty chubby yourself, seeing as you're this comfortable."

"So we're chubby together then."

Ben kissed his shoulder. "I can live with that. Now shush! I want to see the movie."

Callum didn't really pay attention on what was happening on the screen, content to have his boyfriend in his arms. Which was why Ben's question came out of left field for him.

"What's your big secret, then?"

Callum immediately tensed up. There was no way Ben could know. No one knew. Right?

"What … what do you mean?"

Ben wiggled around a bit on top of him to get more comfortable and said, "Well, Fiona's got this big secret about her changing at night, right? If I'm supposed to be Shrek, which still rude, and you're her, you have a big secret you ain't telling me about."

Callum's whole body froze. His heartbeat got faster and faster and he found it hard to breathe. It was like a weight pressed down on his chest.

Ben could feel his distress. With a concerned look on his face he turned around to him.

"Hey, you know I'm joking, right?"

"Yeah … yeah, I know," Callum managed to get out. Still, he couldn't shake the panic. The fear. He knew he should say something. Should have said something a long time ago, but he couldn't. A familiar mix of shame and self-hatred settled in the pit of his stomach. The dark and ugly thoughts crept out of their usually tight lid box and Callum struggled to push them back in. _You’re pathetic. No one really likes you._ The voices kept ringing in his ears. Deafening explosions, confusion, shooting, people screaming. Everything, everything that he always tried his hardest to push down, to ignore, poured out of the darkest corners of his mind. The iciness of the warehouse, Keanu staring at him with unfeeling eyes. Faceless people sneering at him in the streets. _Weak. You don’t deserve to be happy. What have you got to offer anyway?_ Mixed into all of that was the memory of blood running over his arm, his skin burning, his fingers throbbing in pain. The truth, the secret, he was too ashamed to admit was staring him the face and he struggled to breath.

"Callum?"

Callum blinked the memory away. He looked at Ben. Tell him, his brain screamed at him. But no words came out.

"Come on, what is it? You're the one always banging on about being honest with each other," Ben tried to joke, but Callum could see traces of concern on his face.

"It's …" Callum started. He wanted to tell him, he really did, but in the last second he chickened out.

"It's nothing. I'm fine."

He kissed Ben on the forehead and got up. Needing a minute to pull himself together he practically fled to the bathroom. The sounds of the movie could be heard through the closed door and Callum pictured Ben staring after him in confusion.

He gripped the washbasin so tightly his knuckles turned white and stared at his pale reflection in the mirror.

"Coward," he hissed and hated himself so much in this moment that it burned like fire through his veins.

"Cal?"

Ben stood in the doorway, looking at him with worry written all over his face. He cautiously came over to Callum and put a hand on his cheek.

"Babe, you're scaring me. What's going on?"

Callum closed his eyes for a second and took comfort in the warm touch of his boyfriend.

"It's stupid, really," he mumbled.

"It's clearly not, if it upsets you so much."

Ben took his head in both his hands, his thumbs gently stroking his skin.

"Whatever it is, you can tell me."

"I …" Callum took a deep breath and stared up at the ceiling. He couldn't look at Ben. Tears burned in his eyes as he forced the words to come out.

"I hurt myself."

There was a beat of silence before Ben asked with barely suppressed alarm in his voice, "What do you mean? Hurt yourself?"

Shame over what he kept doing to himself threatened to choke him up, but Callum pushed against it. He had to finally say this.

"Not often, just … just sometimes. When I have a nightmare about … about when I was in the army. When I was … when Keanu kidnapped me. Or when I have a tough day and … and feel bad about … _me_ , really, I just … hurt myself."

Now that he had started, he couldn't stop and everything came out in a rush.

"Not in any big way. Just … cutting my hands with a knife while cooking or … turning the shower on too hot. Shutting the cupboard doors on my fingers. Small stuff. I know it's wrong … that I shouldn't do it … but sometimes, it's just too much … and I hate myself for doing it afterwards, but … but then I do it again and … I just … I … it's not that I'm not happy or anything, because I am, it's just … these moments sometimes … and I didn't want to make you think less of me by dumping all this stuff on you and make you realise how pathetic I am … I try so hard to be good and nice to everyone and I just feel so … _ugly_ inside sometimes." Blinking hard, Callum stopped his ramblings and glanced down at Ben, fearing what he might see on his face. Ben hadn't said a word the whole time. His eyes were brimming with tears and his lips were pressed into a thin line. Guilt and shame came crashing down on Callum like a ton of bricks.

"I'm sorry," he choked out while the sobs wrecked his body. "I didn't …"

Ben's own tears fell and he pulled Callum into a tight hug.

"Don't," he whispered as he wrapped his arms around him. "Don't you ever be sorry for that. You've got nothing to apologise for! Nothing to be ashamed of! No part of you is pathetic or weak or ugly. And not a single thing you do could ever make me think less of you!

You're strong and brave and kind and good, but you have flaws, too, and that's okay. Because you're human. You're allowed to have weaknesses. You don't have to be perfect, no one expects that. I sure as hell don't. Don't mean I love ya any less. I could never. Whatever you do, whatever happens, I love you, yeah?"

Callum cried and pressed his face into Ben's shoulder as Ben held him.

Ben's voice was thick with tears as he continued, "And, babe, I don't blame you or judge you for … for doing this, okay? But please, you've got to stop hurting yourself. Just tell me when it's bad again and we'll figure something out. Don't matter if it's the middle of the night or if I'm at work or whatever. Just tell me and I'll be there."

Tightening his hold on Ben, he nodded against his shoulder. Ben placed a soft kiss on the side of his neck.

"Thank you," he whispered against his skin. "And thank you for telling me your secret."

Callum couldn't say how long they stayed in the bathroom, just holding each other close. Only that at some point Ben whispered into his ear, "What do you say we get a bit more comfy, hm?"

Exhausted and emotionally worn out, he nodded silently and Ben took his hand to lead him back into the living room.

The telly was still on, but the movie was long over and there was just static now.

Ben kissed him on the cheek.

"Let me turn that off, then we can go to bed, yeah?"

Instead of letting Ben go, Callum pulled him into his arms and breathed in his scent.

"We can watch the rest, if you want. I don't mind," he mumbled into his neck. "I know how much you hate having to interrupt a movie."

Ben ran a hand through the short hair at the nape of his neck.

"Nah, it's okay. I know how it ends. And it's vhs. Would take ages to rewind."

Callum chuckled softly.

"Spoiled by modern technology, are we? It's only one button to push and a little bit of waiting. And I'm sure we find something to pass the time," he added and pressed a kiss to the soft skin behind Ben's ear. He could feel a shiver run through his boyfriend's body.

"You sure?" Ben asked, a bit breathless.

"Yeah."

They shared another kiss before Ben untangled himself to hunt down the remote. Meanwhile, Callum nestled down in a dozen blankets.

"Found it," Ben exclaimed triumphantly and held up the remote that had somehow found its way under the sofa.

"My hero."

Ben stuck out his tongue at him before pushing the rewind button. For a moment, Callum watched as the scenes flew backwards in front of him. Memories of his childhood where he had sat with Stuart in front of their rundown tube TV, waiting anxiously for his brother to finally rewind to the beginning, came to his mind.

Then Ben was suddenly on top of him and Callum forgot everything else. They kissed, slow and sweet. Ben radiated off a warmth that sank deep into Callum's skin, chasing away the last of his dark thoughts. Ben's taste, his scent, his body against his own made Callum's heart overflow with love. Being with Ben, feeling him near was everything he wanted. Everything he needed. Ben was his home, his rock, his anchor.

"I love you," Callum said when they had to part for air, his voice barely above a whisper.

Ben caressed his cheek with his hand and pressed their foreheads together.

"Love you, too."

The movie forgotten, they probably would have continued kissing for the rest of the night, content to be in each other's arms, if they hadn't rolled over at some point and landed right on top of the remote. Sound exploded into the silent room and Callum nearly jumped out of his skin, biting down hard on Ben's bottom lip in the process.

"Ow!"

"Shit! Sorry!"

He sat up in alarm as Ben pulled back and touched his bruised lip carefully. A little bit of blood trickled down his chin.

"You're bleeding!"

Before Callum could work himself up into a panic, Ben wiped the blood away and said, "Cal, calm down. It's okay. You just nicked it a little bit. No harm done."

He leaned back over Callum and grinned at him.

"Besides, I like it a bit rough. Thought you knew that by now."

Callum blushed and pushed at Ben's shoulder playfully.

"Trust me, I know."

He settled back onto the pillows and blankets, pulling Ben down with him. Ben kissed him on the cheek before stretching out behind him. His arms wrapped around him in a protective embrace and Callum leaned back into him. He closed his eyes for a moment, revelling in the feeling of his boyfriend's warmth and love surrounding him. Only when Ben's soft singing woke him up, did Callum realise that he had nodded off. Smiling, he listened to Ben sing along to _Hallelujah_. When the song ended and Ben was humming the last parts of the melody, Callum spoke up.

"You've got a beautiful singing voice."

"Shut up."

Even without looking at him, he knew Ben was blushing. Genuine praise was something that Ben couldn't really take and craved so much at the same time.

"It's true," Callum insisted. "You should join a theatre group, sing in a musical or something."

A snort was the answer to that.

"Never going to happen, babe. Now shh, this is the good part."

"The good part?"

"Yeah, where Donkey knocks some sense into Shrek and he finally sees what an idiot he's been and goes crashing the wedding."

"Figures you like that best. You're a drama queen, after all."

Ben huffed and pinched Callum in the side.

"Am not!"

Callum just grinned. He pulled Ben's arm a little closer around himself and entangled their hands over his heart. Together, they watched Shrek and Donkey climb onto the dragon and fly off into the clouds. When they showed the church and the people gathered in there for the wedding with Fiona and Lord Farquaad at the front, Ben made a dismissive sound.

"I don't care that it's sort of an arranged marriage, they could've made a little bit of an effort for the wedding. I mean, she's a bloody princess! Where are the flowers? The candles and garlands? If she wasn't wearing a wedding dress, you would think it's any other Sunday at church."

Callum hid his grin behind Ben's arm even though he couldn't see his face, remembering Lexi's reaction to the scene.

"That's exactly what Lexi said, too," he told Ben.

"Smart girl, she knows how it's supposed to be done. She's my daughter, after all."

Ben tried to sound casual, but Callum could hear the pride in his voice.

"That she is."

He stopped short for a moment, considering if he should say it, but then continued, "She also said that when you and me get married, she's doing all of the decorating. Stuff the church full of flowers, a thousand candles, glitter everywhere, and a carriage drawn by four white horses."

There was a moment of silence before Ben snuggled closer to Callum and rested his chin on his shoulder.

"Sounds perfect, babe."

Callum smiled and turned around a little to kiss Ben on the cheek.

"Yeah, it does."

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stuff that came up while writing:  
> \- Don’t know if it was clear enough in the story, but just in case: Callum is not miraculously okay just because he told Ben everything, but he’s not alone any more and Ben is there to help him get better now.  
> \- I have no idea if Ben can sing, but I saw Max Bowden in a musical on youtube, heard some other songs from him and absolutely fell in love with his voice! He really is an amazing singer! So naturally I had to make Ben be a good singer, too, and add the line of Callum telling Ben to join a theatre group and sing in a musical.
> 
> That’s it for this story. I hope you enjoyed it! :) :)

**Author's Note:**

> Stuff that came up while writing:  
> \- I never realised how big the difference between American and British English is. Seriously, the amount of times I wrote something only to discover it’s an American word or expression.  
> \- My best friend wondered about Callum adding sugar to the cocoa, so for clarification: he adds it to cocoa that you normally use for baking and stuff and that has no sugar in it. I don’t really know how the Brits make their hot chocolate, I just wrote it the way my mother always makes it.  
> \- I spend at least twenty minutes trying to find out if a plumber is the one to call when your boiler breaks down. While researching that, I learned that the word plumbers comes from the Latin word ‘plumbum’ which means ‘lead’. And as pipes were initially made from lead the people in charge of it were called plumbers. The modern plumber is apparently trained to work on dry and wet pipes as well as the heating system. So if you got trouble with your heating, you can definitely call a plumber instead of a heating engineer.
> 
> Next part will be up in a couple of days. :)


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